barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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