If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
