I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
