Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
