He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What a dumb baby whore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
