Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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