I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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