if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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