imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
