There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ugly people sure do ruin things
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
