I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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