so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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