yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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