Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
