areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i barfeds in our rink
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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