I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
