Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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