just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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