It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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