I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
