Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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