Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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