She's JV to your varsity
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
