I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
