so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
