the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
