just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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