I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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