he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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