Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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