This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
