Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
third nipple confirmed
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
