Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
