Who wears a wallet chain?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
