You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
