It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
