Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
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