i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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