what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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