he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
