you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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