i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize