peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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