wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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