don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
