omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
