you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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