The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize