I'm really into asian looking animals
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
