I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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