I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
