this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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