I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
