well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
