why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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