Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize