Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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