VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sober January is a disaster.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
