my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
