How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
