ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
