Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
