these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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