flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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