Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
