I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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