CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
