I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize