I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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