i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
