i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
