I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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