dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
